Billie Eilish is a non-conformist in more way than one. From the “Birds Of A Feather” singer’s approach to pop music and signature androgynous fashion, Eilish loves to frolic in the gray area. But the Oscar Award-winner has not always this progressive.

In an interview with Vogue, Billie Eilish spoke about the rocky relationship she had with her name growing up due to traditional gender binaries.

When asked by Sonic The Hedgehog actor Idris Elba how it was growing up “with a name like Billie,” the songwriter had a vulnerable moment. “I love this question,” she said. “I absolutely hated my name when I was a kid.”

Eilish went on to say that in her early childhood, she was programmed to believe Billie “was a boy’s name.”

“I remember just being so mad, and all I wanted was to have a girly name, like Violet or like Lavender, some sort of, you know, pretty flowery name,” she added. “And it’s so funny because now there’s no other name in the universe that could be my name besides Billie. I love my name so so so much. It really is the only possible choice for who I am.”

Eilish’s name carries deep sentimental significance in her family. Later in the chat, Eilish revealed her parents named her after her late grandfather William (to which Billie is a common nickname).

“So technically the first Billy I ever knew was my grandfather, but I never met him,” she closed.